The Diary of a Dog and Cat

I was sent this e-mail a couple of years ago, and it ranks as one of my very favorites. If you have a dog or cat, you might be able to identify with this funny- hope it brightens your day! (I added the pictures- the dog one I downloaded from the web, and the cat one is my baby, Oreo)

DOG DIARY:

8:00 AM- Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 AM- Car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 AM- A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 AM- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM- Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM- Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM- Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM- Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM- Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM- WOW! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear in their hearts since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...

For now.