This story is one of my all time favorites : )
December 8: 6 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic- we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole wide world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon after the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed the driveway, I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all of our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry. We'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night! The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back into shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt SO BAD! The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should have bought a wood stove, but I won't admit that to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out and shovel, and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.
December 23:
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0 degrees! The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What? Is she nuts? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6 inches. Snow packed so hard by the snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the idiot who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 mph and throws snow all over where I just shoveled! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the !&@@#** slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation, and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm gonna kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why on earth did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. SHE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard? How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is sueing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9 inches predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
I am laughing so hard! Where on earth did you find this? I can't stop giggling. "13 more inches of the white crap fell today and it probably won't melt til August!" ROTFL!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't entirely like you. At the beginning of the story, the man liked snow. You hate it from the first flake forward! So do I. I will admit, it can be pretty. But I still hate it. Beauty is deceptive.